Traveling with a Toddler

By: Anthony Hayes

Traveling in general can be a stressful time. The strenuous guidelines and regulations of the FAA and TSA making traveling a hassle. Throw in the variable of children and it is a whole different animal. Or is it…

Prior to our trip to the NY/NJ area we scoured the Internet in search of [answers/relief] for what lies ahead. We read some people packed little care packages for those sitting in close proximity. They included:

A note reading “Sorry if I cry this is my first time flying. Please accept this goodie bag for being exceedingly patient.”
Earplugs
Gum
Well…you get the idea

I liked this idea a lot however we did not find to time to prepare it. We did however pack a few toys, coloring book, and a change of clothes.

All in all I have to say Violet was an extremely good travler and we had no real trouble with her. The flight was 2 1/2 hours. The last 45 minutes she slept. It was a great vacation all around!

Fly JET Blue

(Jet Blue had better cut me a check for saying this.) Rates are reasonable and I’ve been using them for years. The free TV creates the perfect distraction and includes a cartoon channel.

I feel like we carried on way too much to try and keep her occupied. We would have been good with half the toys and activities thanks to the on board entertainment JET Blue provides.

Seating

Everyone loves to save money and probably felt as we did. We don’t need a seat for the baby, she will want to sit on our lap anyway. My advice, buy the extra seat. So long as you are in compliance with federal aviation laws and safety the extra space will be well worth it.

Violet wanted to climb back and forth across our laps most of the flight. And when it came time to nap, if was very difficult for her to get comfortable, even when stretched out across of laps.

It is very easy to invade someone else’s personal space when in such close proximity. I even feel compelled at times to avoid using the arm rest in fear of any awkwardness.

Luckily we had very patient passengers sitting beside us both of whom were parents themselves. Avoid the occasional reaching out to grab a strangers belongings. Even more incentive to get the third seat in your row.

Potty Time

First off I suggest putting two diapers on your little “Violet.” Here is why. During the take off we had a situation where the one diaper didn’t quite absorb all the moisture. It actually went through on to my poor girlfriends jeans.

We use Pampers swaddlers and leaking has never been an issue before. If I had to guess it was just an involuntary reaction on her little body from the pressure change and excitement during takeoff.

Expect The Worst

Worst case senerio your child will cry some of the flight. Unpleasant–Yes. The first time this has ever happened–No. Likely from the change in altitude coupled with the ears tendency to pop, your child will be fine. Uncomfortable but fine.

Challenge

Plan a family vacation. Where did you go? Leave your answer in the comments section.

Finance Do’s and Dont’s for Dads

Finance Do’s and Dont’s for Dads

By: Anthony Hayes

I’m certainly no accountant. I do however know a thing or two about credit cards, student loans, and what it feels like to be buried in debt.

DON’T: Spend what you do not have.

It all started over a decade ago. I was 20 and I racked up about 16k on several different credit cards. Not to mention the few thousand dollars to Johnson and Wales University for my loan I had taken out circa 2003.

Your credit score is more important than your SAT score.

I was always good about making my monthly payments missing very few, if any, over the years. I knew paying the minimum was out of question, due to the fact that it would take me forever to dig my way out of the financial hole I created.

DON’T: Miss a monthly payment.

More than the minimum is always best. Your monthly statement should include a table telling you how long it will take you to pay off said bill, and how much in interest it will end up costing you.

DO: Contact your creditor.

Almost everything in life is negotiable. All they want is to get paid. Oftentimes, just a phone call can save you a lot of unwanted stress, uncertainty and money. You may be able to negotiate your minimum monthly payment or due date just by asking for your options. Keep your contact information updated. Tackle this head on don’t try and hide, it won’t magically disappear; trust me I’ve tired.

If you have an iPhone do yourself a favor and ask Siri “What is 0 divided by 0?” If you are on another operating system here is the answer you will receive:

“Imagine that you have zero cookies and you split them evenly among zero friends. How many cookies does each person get? See? It doesn’t make sense. And Cookie Monster is sad that there are no cookies, and you are sad that you have no friends.” -Siri (iPhone artificial intelligence)

It’s hilarious and depressing at the same time, as that sums up what it is like to live paycheck to paycheck. I started making a dent about 7 years in, but wasn’t out of the woods yet. It would take me about 11 years to make a more manageable, monthly solution toward being debt free

DO: Track your expenses.

Once I got my debt totals (which I kept track of using an Excel Spreadsheet) around 8k, I approached a small banking branch about a personal loan. Keep in mind this was an informed decision based on numerous sources of numerical data. I complied my current bill amounts, due dates, and their annual percentage rates (APRs). This was not a debt consolidation service. Do your homework.

With my given creditors, and the number of variable APRs (some as high as 22.9%), I was able to secure a low fixed percentage rate in the form of one reasonable monthly installment.

DO: Plan for the Future

The future starts today!

Whatever retirement plan, 401k, medical, or financial planning your job offers jump on it. Your contribution has the opportunity to grow with each passing day so don’t pass it up. Especially if your place of employment has some type match program.

Your Challenge:

Take on positive step today toward securing your future financial freedom. Open a savings account in your child’s name. Small steps often lead to bigger payoffs.

“Control the controllable, as for the rest Keep on flowing…Just be.”

How to Read a Toddlers Mind

Raising Violet – The Daddy Diaries

By: Anthony Hayes

It’s been a little over one year since Violet was born and I’ve cherished every waking moment. I once asked myself how am I going to know what she wants or needs if she can’t communicate?

The answer; I just did. The sounds and cries she displays all are a bit different. One having its own unique tone, setting it apart from the rest.

It’s like reading a mind, you just feel their energy. And maybe more importantly they feel yours.

In fact, children are extremely susceptible to the energies we emit.

Due to their inability of verbal communication, it is the nonverbal communication we use that they rely on.

This is why it is imperative to cleanse yourself of any negitivity or anger each and everytime you interact with your new little ‘Violet.’

Tips for a clean mental slate:

Clear the air– Talk with your spouse about how your feeling, the things you need and how you can help each other (ie. putting up a weekly schedule on the wall to stay organized and better manage your time).
Take 10– Dedicate 10 minutes a day to doing something productive for yourself. A light excercise such as yoga or stetching can do the trick. Or something like a simple meditation exercise I go into depth about here.

Don’t let the outside influence the inside– Bad day at work? Did someone cut you off on the ride home? Don’t bring it home with you. All it takes is 10 seconds to alleviate that tension. This breathing excercise I wrote for my other blog will walk you through it.

As you can see reading a toddlers mind is not completely impossible. Each individual and each situation is unique.

Just do your best to surround them with love and positivity as often and as much as possible. They will in turn feed off of your vibes and return this insatiable love ten fold.

“Control the controllable, as for the rest Keep on flowing…Just be.”

Becoming a First Time Parent – A Year in Review

Raising Violet – The Daddy Diaries

By: Anthony Hayes

I know nothing about “Parenting” as it were. What I do know is I’ve spent the past 365 days learning to eventually become a Parent. Like anything else in life being a Dad is an ever-evolving process.

The second we stop learning, adapting, “thinking” we are some expert or know it all, we stop growing. The late Bruce Lee; iconic Martial Artist, and actor put it like this:

“If you always put limit on everything you do, physical or anything else. It will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them.” -Bruce Lee (1940-1973)

Embracing the continual growth of being a ‘Parent’ is the only way to truly understand the act of ‘Parenting.’ If I stop stretching to the next level, I cease the gaining of knowledge to pass on to Violet.

Overall

This year has been a whirlwind of emotion, but not the kind I was used to. But despite the odds we overcame every obstacle. With each passing day it gets easier. When it came to getting a new car I narrowed it down to two. My Father suggested something like a 2-door Toyota Scion. An economical choice.

Taking into consideration Violet would soon be here, not the most practical one. Violet’s arrival was something very few people were aware about at this point. I opted for a BMW. I know cars, however German engineering I did not. While there is a misnomer that these vehicles are insanely expensive own and repair that is only half-true. I did hours of research and joined online forums to make this informed decision.

Routine

I rely on routine to keep myself and my emotions in check. Keep focused. I have a hard enough time analyzing my own feelings, let alone those of another. Especially when that person can’t express themselves.I’d like to think I have good time management skills. My daily sequence of events has changed so dramatically I’ve had to kick my old routine to the curb. I do not say this to scare you, rather prepare you.

The Daddy Diaries

Just as Raising Violet is an evolving process so is “The Daddy Diaries.”

At first it was a way I sought to help others. Unknowingly it was a way to help myself.

She has helped me to become a better human being. I have a tendency to think more before I act on the account that I know she is always watching me. I do my best to complete all the steps involved in a task verbalize them as I do so. I am not sure if this is a parental instinct or just common sense when dealing with children.

Nevertheless, I plan to teach Violet all I know and that for which I do not. What do I mean by that? Well one cannot really be certain. I guess you will just have to keep on reading as the next chapter of The Daddy Diaries unfolds!

How to find time, Daddy time – (Mothers Day Tribute)

By: Anthony Hayes

You’ve got to go to work, come home, walk the dog, and pick the baby up from the sitter. But that’s not all…Next it’s a load of laudry, start dinner while simultaneously answering emails and singing the theme song to “Sofia” or “Doc.”

“Hey boo, how was your day?”

“Well quite honestly, I don’t remember. It was over in the blink of an eye…”

Sound familiar? If you are a new dad like me it should. Finding a balance this first year was difficult. Tension will arise, heads will butt. Everyone has different schedules, different circumstances. But there is a solution. A way to find “Daddy Time.”

To find the answer you must familiarize yourself with the old adage, “Behind every great man there’s an even greater woman.” It is an expression that could easily have originated from close observation of the relationship of our first patriarch and matriarch, Abraham and Sarah.

Abraham was great enough to realize that it was not his merits or his close connection to God that would protect them on this journey. It was Sarah who had an angel at her side ready to do her bidding. It was Sarah who would achieve exactly what they needed on this segment of their ongoing spiritual journey.

The relationship you share with your spouse must be one of love and respect. If you need a moment to yourself; to go play a round of golf, what have you, the loving support of your woman will allow you to do this.

Without mine I would not have the ability to do many things. Here of just a few:

Me Myself and I Podcast
Me Myself and I Blog
“Let’s Talk” Podcasting Tips Series
“Let’s Talk” Blogging Tips Series and…
The Daddy Diaries!

Happy Mothers Day to ALL the wonderful supportive Moms out there!! Thanks for all that you do for us all 😘

“Control the controllable, as for the rest Keep on flowing…Just be.”

5 Things You can Expect to Learn the First Year of Fatherhood

Raising Violet – The Daddy Diaries

5 Things You Can Expect to Learn the First Year of Fatherhood

By: Anthony Hayes

Are you scared of what challenges you will encounter the first year of being a Dad? Are you worried that you won’t be any good at parenting? I was terrified. Before Violet got here I was oozing with anticipation and excitement. I just wanted so badly to meet her.

When she came I was relieved and sense of well being washed over me. I did however feel an overwhelming sense of responsibility, more so than I’ve ever felt before. The lessons you learn the first year as a Father will teach you more about yourself AND your capabilities than you’ve ever dreamed of.

Here are the 5 things you can expect to learn this year:

Change – Every aspect of your life is going to change. Schedules, routines, meals, nothing is off limits. It is the adaptability to your new lifestyle that will allow you to embrace these changes and keep on flowing.
Patience – It will be tested time and time again, and you will learn to have it if you do not already. If you are a patient person you will be pushed to the limit. At times it will be overwhelming. All of these things however will make you a more charismatic, and loving father in the end.
Financial Responsibility – Although I am fairly good with money, I am a recovering impulse shopper. Add the word “frugal” to your vocabulary and use it well. It sounds better than cheap but goes hand & hand. If you eat out once a week, make it once a month. If you drink coffee like me, sorry but no more *bucks. Buckle down and cut back where you can. Dunkin’ is okay every now and again. But, don’t carry cash (I find it helps). Read more on managing your finances here.
Prioritization – Pick and choose your battles and plan your attack. All responsibilities will get accomplished if you do them in the correct sequence. First, comes safety and security of your child and spouse. Next,
Selflessness – Whatever word supersedes Selfless, that is what you will become. This skill you can not prepare yourself for as everyone’s life is unique. Eating YOUR meal, taking YOUR shower, and sleeping will all have to wait. After the kiddo is full, clean, and all snuggled in you can do all this but not before. If you are under the impression that you know the meaning of sacrifice, you will be amazed at how you are willing to go above and beyond. Learn how to get the most out of the time that is left for Oneself.

While you will experience a plethora of additional lessons the first year as a dad, these are the first few. It will ultimately come down to your circumstances, what you learn and how you will apply this new found knowledge. Looking back, while you plan your little ones first birthday, you’ll realized how great of a parent you’ve truly become. This is going to be an awesome year!

“Control the controllable, as for the rest Keep on flowing…Just be.”

Why does a child posess The Purest Soul?

Raising Violet – The Daddy Diaries

“Why does a child posses the Purest Soul?”

By: Anthony Hayes

Untainted by the world, ego, expectations a child is the only truly Pure Soul that exists. Everything they are is genuine. Everything they do is honest. Everything they see is beautiful. When you look into your child’s eyes gazing back at you, as they start to recognize the world, you catch a glimpse of how they see things. It only lasts for a second or two, but for those two seconds you are free. Free from hatred, free from stereotypes, free from your circumstances. They just ‘are’_

You are all that matters to them
Your child hangs on everything you do, everything you say.
You are their superhero.
You are their knight in shining Armour and no one can take that away from you.

When they cry they need you. When they laugh it’s because to them your lame jokes and faces are actually funny 😀 Forget the old wives tales of self soothing, and too much attention; becoming needy or what have you. The time for all that is NOW. This year, the milestones, growth, all of it is going to flash before your eyes. Then pretty soon, like me, you will be planning your “Violets” 1st birthday party.

All a father can spend on his child is time

A child’s entire being is pure. Enjoy it while you can because their is nothing like it in this world. Fatigue will set in after a long day at work. The to-do lists will grow. Take a deep breath, be in the moment. Focus on what you are doing right now. Living in such fast pace society it’s easy to get caught up in tasks and forget about what matters the most. Be in the moment as it will be gone before you know it. I must say 20x a day “I love this baby so much.” When I’m not with her I’m lost, as I’m sure is she.

Bath time

No matter how the day went it always ends the same. Bath time is our time. For that 10 minutes time is nonexistent. Hopefully your child enjoys taking a bath as much as Violet because it will make it that much easier. I quack like a duck, sing the “The Bath Time Song” and when we are done its time for the “Footy Jam Dance.” I haven’t yet decided if I am going to make a vlog of me making a fool of myself.

FINAL THOUGHTS

STOP
BREATHE
BE PRESENT
TIME DOES NOT EXIST

“Control the controllable, as for the rest Keep on flowing…Just be.”

Post Labor Duties

Raising Violet – The Daddy Diaries

“Post Labor Duties”

By: Anthony Hayes

Hey Dad! Welcome to the club.

(That felt weird right? Being called Dad…you’ll get used to it)

Hopefully you did not pass out in the delivery room; I didn’t. What I did do was cry. Had it not been for the fact that I was in a room with nothing but women I would have really let loose. Like the ugly cry portrayed by actor Ben Stiller in the movie “There’s Something About Mary.”

The anticipation was well worth the wait. Violet was 6lb 2oz, 19in of pure joy, a pure soul. She was perfect in every way imaginable. That my fellow father is what you call true love.

As soon as I held her I couldn’t let her go. I couldn’t stop staring at her. By this time I sent out a text and picture to our parents, brothers and sisters to let them know she was finally here.

Leading up to this you’ll have something to figure out. In that if your signitcant other is the type to want minimal contact during the birthing process and shout obscenities at you for getting her knocked up.

Admittedly, I pegged her for a fighter which she is well aware of. Or…the type that wants you in the thick of it cheering her on. That I can’t help you with. Just feel it out, read the signs and keep your chin tucked JUST INCASE she starts swinging.

Did you cut the cord? I did. I was apprehensive when we were making the birthing plan as I thought I would be grossed out. It took a little effort but in the moment all that anxiety disappeared and I just WAS.

As if you didn’t have a momentous amount of respect for your woman already, now you’ll be baffled at their true strength. Although I was mocked openenly, I prepared two thank you cards. One of which I gave to the nurses in Labor and delivery. This is another reason you want to pay attention to their names. This way you can list as many as possible followed by and ‘the entire Labor and delivery staff.’ Be sure to included the date, your child’s name, and measurements. The second card I gave to the nurses in recovery.

Violet Rose 6lbs 2oz, 19in

After a few days curled up on an uncomfortable lounge chair by her side, sleep deprived, things start to really set in. “I can’t believe I’m a Dad!” “Am I going to be a good parent?” “Is this real life?” “Thank you Anthony for writing this awesome blog.”

Yes, yes and your welcome.

“Control the controllable, as for the rest Keep on flowing…Just be.”

How to prepare for The Big Day

Raising Violet – The Daddy Diaries

How to prepare for The Big Day

By: Anthony Hayes

Is the big day steadily approaching? Have you packed YOUR bag for the stay in the hospital? Forget what you see in the movies.

With the advent of modern technology chances are you will not have to storm out and race your way to the delivery room. I know how you feel. I was disappointed I wasn’t able to display my NASCAR evasive maneuvers either. You probably had the route mapped out to the ER door and an alternate route, just in case. Sorry to ruin that for you.

Doctors can practically pinpoint the time of day your spouse will deliver your new baby. We were induced. So it was a waiting game. Like the feeling you get unwrapping the new golf club on Christmas morning. There is no clever way to wrap the oddly shaped gift but you anticipate opening it all the same.

It is a good idea if you can, as we did, to have someone available to bring anything you may have forgotten at home. Have a spare key available, and give it to someone willing to help, like a family member.

Eventually when you settle in a bit you are going to get hungry. Anything will suffice. Even if you are not into fast food like me, a good burger, fries, and a soda will taste like a 5* meal at this point.

Don’t forget your phone chargers!

Bring phone chargers so you can keep loved ones in the loop if you choose to do so. Even if it is just immediate family, send a group message to let them know you are alright.

The birth of your child will bring as much joy into your life as he or she will for others. Even strangers can’t help but stop and admire the introduction of a new life into what can sometimes be a cruel, cruel, world. It truly is a blessing.

Get to know the names and faces of all your nurses on every shift. Nurses are the lifeline in a hospital. The days of assisting a doctor wearing a pointy hat, with a red medical symbol are over.

Aside from typical ‘nursely’ duties they are caregivers, therapists, providing you with everything you need to make your stay as pleasant and enjoyable as possible.

Chances are you have a great group of ladies (and gentleman) at your beckon call 24hrs a day. Yes men are nurses too! If you’ve seen the film starring Ben Stiller “Meet the Parents” you know this to be true. After all, “Focker here’s a nurse.”

Doctors get paid a healthy salary. In excess of $200k according to glassdoor.com. One of the specialists we visited earned a significant amount more at a whopping $624k! Just you wait and see your nurses actually do EVERYTHING, not getting paid nearly as much! What a shame.

Eventually the Doctor will grace you with his or her presence just in time to catch your little one. So don’t be concerned. You will be in good hands till then.

He or she will leave just as quickly as they arrive so make sure your birth plan is in order prior to the delivery. I bet you are asking yourself “What the hell is a birth plan right?” Here is an example. If you want to earn some brownie point with your girl surprise her by printing one out!

_your welcome

“Control the controllable, as for the rest Keep on flowing…Just be.”

Introduction to Fatherhood

Raising Violet – The Daddy Diaries

The next Danika Patrick or Ronda Rousey?

Introduction to Fatherhood

by: Anthony Hayes

From one new father to another Congratulations on the news of your little one entering the world! You are about to embark on the single most difficult, yet rewarding journey of your life.

The true test of your manhood is about to commence and you’ve never been more prepared than you are right now.

The ever-elusive piece to your puzzle is now complete.

If you are anything like me you may have purchased or been recommended the stereotypical publications in search of answers. Titles such as “What to expect when you’re expecting.”

My advice do not waste your time. Not to discredit the author (whom had sold 14.5 million copies as of 2008) source Wikipedia; however most of the information is antiquated and quite frankly common sense.

There is nothing that can prepare you for life’s endeavors other than life itself. If you have a sibling, niece or nephew, younger cousins; you’ve had a first hand glimpse into the life of parenthood.

The well wishes of friends and family are to be expected. But wouldn’t it give you more confidence if you received this same message from an unbiased viewpoint? I wish I had a complete stranger tell me what I’m about to tell you…

_“You’re going to be a great Dad!”

The tools and resources you need for fatherhood have already been subconsciously implanted within your DNA. The trick is figuring out a way to tap into the hidden potential that lies within us all. The parental instinct will kick in when you least expect it. So hang on and enjoy the ride. Until then you must keep cool, calm, and collected. Not only for your sanity, but the sanity for those around you. Do the best you possibly can to not bring any unwanted stress into an already stressful situation. Your significant other needs a rock right now and buddy YOU ARE IT.

In the weeks leading up to the birth of my first child Violet, the anticipation I felt was insurmountable. I wanted to very much to meet her already. We often stayed awake at night asking questions like “Who is she going to resemble or look like more?” and “What is her personality going to be like?”

In time, all these questions and more will be answered. For now, just know one thing…You are capable enough, definitely strong enough, and more than good enough to be a great Dad. If you find yourself getting overwhelmed here’s a few tips:

Just Breathe, Just Be – YouTube some videos on meditation and relaxation techniques. As well as soothing oriental music (links provided under ‘resources’). Meditation is for everyone, not just Monks and Kung Fu masters. Forget about what you think you know about meditating. Chances are you have been misinformed are likely high. Our mind is constantly polluted by outside influences. Oftentimes it is difficult to separate our own thoughts from the thoughts of others. The inner reflection of oneself is a useful tool to differentiate the two. Meditation is a tool that can be sharpened and over time, used in a multitude of situations requiring focus and a clear head.
Do you and Keep on Flowing -Don’t change your daily routines or way of thinking just yet. Do however prepare yourself to embrace the new life you are about to begin. If you are feeling uncertainty, fear, or any changes in mood or overall well-being it doesn’t make you any less of a man. It makes you human. These are called ’emotions’ and it’s okay to get in touch with these now and again. You have my permission and recommendation to do so #brocode #guycode No one is going to revoke your “man card.” Talk it out. Leaving that stuff inside becomes toxic and has some serious side effects. If need be I got your back. Reach out. You can reach me HERE via my personal email.

“Control the controllable, as for the rest Keep on flowing…Just be.”